Robbed at Birth!

If you know me, or have ever heard me tell a story you have probably heard "I WAS ROBBED" come out of my mouth a few hundred times. Now I have never been truly "robbed" by a large man with a ski mask (although my iPhone was jacked from my purse the first week I bought it... Son of a...) but  anyway... to understand my "I WAS ROBBED" outlook on life I am going to take you back to the very beginning... (Cue Cheesy "Drifitng Back" music and some soft of wave effect)

It all started on March 22, 1987. You see I wasn't really supposed to be born that day, but my mom thought it would be "sweet" if I was born the day my Great-Great Grandmother turned 100. (So please note... that before I even came out of the womb I was already having to share something... in this case not only "MY" birthdate but the spotlight... the woman turned 100 for crying out loud... how do you compete with that.) 

Hearing all this "in utero" I probably was a bit pissed and already a tad bit dramatic so what did I do to teach my parents a lesson... ohh what any baby robbed of the spotlight would do... I pulled my my umbilical cord and wrapped it real tight around my neck. 

Turns out that wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do seconds before I had to take my first breath as a human because I came out all blue and not breathing which then led to the doctors telling my father to turn off the video camera. GREAT... the "Pilot Episode" of my life gets cut because my grand idea to prank everyone went horribly wrong.

After giving everyone a good scare... I survived and thus began the pre pages of the life story of Kelsey Lynn Carlile.

Now from the infancy to now I have been blessed with a few distinctive qualities. Sure everyone has them... Kim K has her butt, Angie has her lips... But yours truly was blessed with a bounty of  distinctive traits.

Lets start from the top, some women have earned the label "top heavy" because of there large upper-chest, in my world I earned the "top heavy" title by having an extremely large, baby genius sized head. I like to think it is because I am just so smart I needed to have extra room for my brain but in all seriousness my parents really should have gotten that thing checked. Which leads to something my parents overlooked...my face.

I have this uncanny ability to have my face go on "screensaver" mode where I look partially mentally challenged. Which has now affected my life because I can not have any "candid" pictures taken of me... (Ya those are always fun to be tagged in on Facebook)

Moving on... another blessing God bestowed my body with at birth was "crazy legs". My mother has told me that my legs where "always" in a frog-like position when I was little that she had to put diapers around my legs to keep them straight... fast forward 20 something years and you know have a woman with legs that looked like they have been switched. Sure I can do mean stanky leg... but trying to find skinny jeans that "accentuate" the curve... GOOD LUCK.

The list goes on and on... I have everything from a crooked Dick Cheany smile to an extremely high butt crack... Sure I may have been dealt the "scraps" of the gene pool but I think I have grown into my looks and now I get to share all of these blessings with you.

Finishing up this post, I hope my "I WAS ROBBED" mentality is catching on with all you readers... which I sure will be only a handful but I have always said "more than a handfull is a waste"... I was usually referring to the small breast I was blessed with but I feel the same advice lends itself to my blog too.

:) Until next time... This is Mrs. Stell signing off.