Put It On My Tab!

Since I can remember I have been what I like to call a "mouth breather". I view my nose like I view decorative pillows on a bed... they really serve no purpose but they look cute. My nose basically sits on my face... like a piece of play-doh God delicately placed on my face and then accidently squashed in. I always assumed this was normal... you know... everyone just breathing out of their mouth... 100% of the time. Well apparently its not.

I recently had an MRI done for my chronic migraines (just another joy of my genetic make up I am blessed with)... all came out great... they found out I had a brain... GREAT NEWS (I know my parents questioned this fact many times during my teenage years). But the results of my MRI did discover...not one but two polyps just chilling in my nasal cavaity with no cares of moving any time soon. So the neurologist sent me over to the great people of the Ear Thoat and Nose Specialist of San Antonio.

So apparently the ETN doctors may know whats up with peoples facial cavities but not so much on how to accommodate waiting patients. First off... I am pretty sure every single magazine in there was circa 2007... give me a break... if I wanted to read a history book I would go to a library... and second... I am not to fond of children. Which that statement might sound a little harsh and broad at first but when I am sitting in a doctors waiting room I cant always help but to think they should hand out leashes at the door. I mean seriously who knows what kind of airborne illness your little nugget is rocking... obviously I am breathing out of a hole that is like 90% bigger than what everyone is so I am probably about 90% more likely to catch their gunk. I don't need your little chubacabra all up in my grill with snot running down there nose and them trying to hand me cherrios.

When I FINALLY got back to the doctors office... the real fun began. Now not being one to partake in recreational drugs as a teen I am not to fond of have liquid shot up my nose. The sensation not only made me sneeze ALL over myself but apparently the numbing sensation effect it was meant to have didn't quite work well on me so when the doctor "gently" placed the scope down my nose I felt every single twist and turn. At this point all I cold think was "Thank God I am a mouth breather or else I would be suffacating right now... how I am supposed to breath with this crap in my nose."

This may sound weird, but I love with doctors find something wrong with me (at this point its like a "put on my tab" kinda feeling)... It is never the common cold, or a slight infection, it is always something quote "impressive". I can't quite feel a little pride at being the best at being bad (in the health sense). I feel like I am the girl the doctors like to see... the one that shakes things up. They look at me with envy and think "Dang, that girl has some impressive polyps." Sure I may not be able to run more than a mile... or heck even a mile without killing over like a fish out of water... but you better believe I can rock a mean mass in my nasal cavity.

 Now sure, I was blessed with some "visable" disablities.... you know the five head, the crooked knees, the extremely high butt crack. But nose polyps... no one can see those. Well...apparently you can hear them. My family is constantly making fun of the way I talk. I believe the most common statement is that I sound like my tongue is too large for my mouth, or my personal favorite like Don Vito of Viva La Bam. I have recently come to learn the polyps have actually interfered with my speech... again.. put it on my tab

I actually have the joy of adding another unique trait to the list. This trait did not take a test, a scan, or a diagnosis to figure out. Nope. The doctor took one look at me and said, "You my lady, look like an allergic kid." I thought to myself, how did he know. I immediately checked my nose for a booger hanging out or to see if my eyes were watering. No sign of any liquid... What was it? Apparently this doctor see the history of being an overweight asthmatic child in my eyes. He could see all the windy spring days you would find me standing at the glass door like a puppy waiting for his master to come up, just yearning to go out and play. On the time I had to leave a camping trip early because I tree was in season... come on. This guy was good.

So whats the cure for these little rocks blocking my nose from knowing the feeling of air rushing through my two nose holes or knowing the feeling of what is like to go outside in the spring without waterproof mascara on. Well the first step will be allergy testing... which I am sure I can save a lot money and just tell the tester all of them, but I will take them just for kicks. Then once the allergies are figured out, the allergy shots will begin. Later down the road there may be surgery. But until then, and until I part with my two polyps... I shall embrace them for what they are, a part of me and there is really nothing more to add but to say is put it on my tab... and thank God for good health insurance :)

- Kels